BE WHO YOU ARE

A Favorite Quote of mine by good ol' Dr. Seuss:

"Be who you are and say what you feel. Those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind."

This quote is dedicated to those of us who have difficulty with "being ourselves" around everyone!

The older I get the more I become like myself and myself, I like! The more comfortable I am in my own skin. My intentions and motivation is not to hurt others. I know this about myself. So when someone says I have done something or said something hurtful to them, I see if they are correct in what they perceived. Everyone has their own filter on. Their perception grid on. Their own experiences. They may be triggered by something I said that has to do with something that has similarly happened in the past to them. I understand this. Or at least I am trying to understand this.

"Hi my name is Paula....and I admit I have a perception problem!!!" We need to have a group like this for people who want to genuinely and sincerely learn how to communicate better. Maybe similar to AA groups. Ha!! Then we can get feedback on our reality and other's reality and maybe even learn something about each other in the process. But instead, I walk away, second guessing, "did she really say that?" or "Did he really mean that?"

What is the relationship worth to me?

I like to keep short accounts. Life is short! I want to spend time with the ones I love and let them know they are loved. I don't want to save the whole world. That's not my job. I just want to love people like HE does.

I was speaking with my oldest brother Toney yesterday about these things. I love him so much. We haven't been very close lately, like, say, in the last decade or so. So far in the last week, he has called me twice from his cell phone and we have had some great conversations. I have been greatly encouraged by what he has said, but more importantly, by the example he has set forth in his life.

He is a "mercy" all the way. We are 5 years apart in age. He is my older brother. I have always looked up to him. He was 6 foot 2. Now I look down on him. No, I don't mean that figuratively, but literally. I have to look down to him when we are speaking. Why? Because he sits in a wheelchair. He was in an accident when he was serving in the Navy when he was 19 years old. I remember getting the call from the nurse in the middle of the night when I was in the 8th grade from Penscacola, Florida, where my brother was stationed at the time. I got my mom out of bed and told her that there was an accident and that there was a nurse on the phone wanting to talk to her. The nurse proceded in telling my mom, that Toney had been in a diving accident and broke his neck and that they had him at the VA Hospital. My mother took a flight out that very day, and not only did my brothers life change, but our families life changed as well.

My brother spent many months in the hospital and then they transferred him to the VA hospital in Palo Alto, California. My mom was gone from our home for about 3 months. This was very difficult on me as a teenager at the time. That meant that I had to be "surrogate" mother to my little brother and sister. I was willing to do it, and at the time, I didn't have a choice. When I came home from school, I started in on the chores around the house. Everyone was pitching in to help. I cooked and cleaned until my mom brought my brother home.

My folks had friends that pitched in to convert our garage and our house into a handicapped accessible home for my brother. It was amazing. It took them a day to do it. When my brother Toney, came home, he had changed drastically. His "body building physique" that I was used to admiring, had shrunken, half its size. But my brother's outlook on life, did not shrink. Oh, yea, I'm sure he had his moments.....but I never heard him complain once about his situation.

I remember hearing from my mom that there was something that he was really going to miss doing...."Being able to walk on the beach and feel the sand between his toes." Even as I write this, it makes me cry a little. Why? Because this is my favorite thing to do and I have two very good walking legs that can take me out to a beach, at any time, in any place. I have taken alot of things for granted in my life. Things like ...walking on the beach and feeling the sand between my toes.

In a couple of weeks, my family and my brother, Toney, my sister, my mom and stepdad, my neice and boyfriend, all are camping at our favorite family campground. It's a place near, Pacific City, called Whalen Island. My grandparents (who are now deceased) used to take us there when we were kids in the summer time. We had the most positive memories from this time in our lives.

I camped there, just recently, in July with just our family, and my little brother, Vince, Lisa and their kids came over for the day. And so did my mom and a couple of my neices. We had a great time, reminiscing and just getting back to when times were "simpler".

So before we left the campground, we decided to reserve a couple of more spots Labor Day weekend and try and get our whole family to go. My brother, Toney was so excited and has been looking forward to going over there. He's got a big RV that he can pull behind his van, that he can drive! Yep, my brother can drive. He can do alot of things, its hard to think that he's in a wheelchair; a quadralplegic. He's 44 now. He's had alot of health issues, which are pretty normal for what has happened to him. Usually doctors don't give quadralplegics a very long life expectancy; usually about 20 years to live. My brother has outlived their diagnosis!

Oh and they said he'd never have children either. But he's married, has been to Suzeanne now for 20 years. And they have 2 children from her first marriage and they both have a son, Shane, who's 17, the same age as Nicole. My brother has coached Shane and I may end up having a nephew pitching baseball for the pros!

He also volunteers for alot of things. Let's see...he's coached basketball teams and baseball teams. He's met Bob Dole when he was VP of Paralyzed Veterans of America. He is an advocate for other's who are in the same position as he has been, to make sure facilities are up to code.

I'm so very proud of my brother, Toney. We are sooo excited to camp at Whalen Island together. We haven't camped there together, since we were kids.

I remember a walk on the beach with my brothers Toney, Vince and my sister, Jackie. There were horses near the campground that somehow had gotten out and ended up on the beach we were walking on and they came running towards us. This caught us totally off guard and my brother, Toney, thought quick on his feet and through us all over a log, avoiding the stampede of horses.

Vince and I would get up early in the mornings and go looking for baby crabs, while the tide was out in the bay. We would collect all different colors of crabs, treating them like little "jewels" with their bright colors as we'd box them up and bring back our treasures, comparing and trading for better ones that we both had found.

My brother Vince, Lisa and their kids won't be there this time. They will be missed!

My brother, Toney though will be there and my sis, Jackie and my mom and Eric, Yasmine (my niece) and her boyfriend. We are all looking forward to it. Toney's looking forward to telling Yasmine and Shane, his kids, about Whalen Island and about all our other adventures.

I started taking my kids there when they were very young, so they could see through my eyes, the "magic of the island." And now when I say we are planning a trip to Whalen Island, they look forward to going with us.

I think I will find as many pics as I can from the trips I have taken to Whalen Island and bring them.

Another idea, I'm pondering and not sure how I would pull this off, I sure would like to get my brother, Toney, down to the beach somehow so he could feel the sand between his toes again! OH, by the way, he does have feeling in his feet and legs. It's just that the connection is cut from his brain to his feet and legs, so the message to move them is basically severed!

Maybe I'll bring a container big enough to carry some sand back to our camping spot and I'll put a big bowl of sand at his feet so he can sit with his feet in the sand while we chat, reminisce and catch up after all these years!

Yep, maybe I'll get us all sand to dip our feet into while we sit around the campfire ....roasting marshmellows, hotdogs, etc., being who we are....

If we can't get Toney to the sand, I'll bring the sand to him!

Looking forward to Labor Day weekend at Whalen Island!

Beachlover, beachcomber, sand mover and camper-at-heart,
Paula

P.S. Check out this website to see pics of "Whalen Island"
www.tfhrc.gov/pubrds/septoct01/whalen.htm
www.co.tillamook.or.us/gov/Parks/Whalen%20Island.pdf